Ain't No Lie, Baby....

In high school, our "graduation song" was the "Sunscreen Speech" (also called "Advice, Like Youth, is Wasted on the Young") set to background music. Later, the song was mocked by Chris Rock in a sketch called "There's No Sex in the Champagne Room" - both very sound pieces of advice. Since hearing both, I've been searching for my own piece of advice that I was 100% sure would always be effective and help out a large chunk of the population. Well, I found it...

Noriban is not a cure for laryngitis.

For those unfamiliar (i.e., my family at home - hi!!!), noriban is the Korean version of karaoke. Instead of singing in front of a large crowd, you and your friends rent this little room (not soundproof, of course - this is Korea, after all), and have at your disposal every pop song ever created in the American and Korean cultures (I'm sure there's also some J-Pop in there - I didn't get a chance to really look through the book). I like it better than our perception of karaoke because there's no crowd involved. Yes, I know that I <3 attention, but not when singing is involved.

Before noriban, I thought that "I Believe I can Fly" was a syrupy sweet song that was too cavity-threatening to make it even onto my iTunes list (and for everyone who's seen that thing, you know that there's too much Miley and High School Musical for me to deny my love for pop). Tony, however, corrected that misbelief. Just like "Boyz in the Hood" can be turned into a soft alternative song, "I Believe I can Fly" can become a rough, screaming jam.

Also, before noriban, I thought that I was _not_ a fan of Lady Gaga. I was also terribly wrong on that one, too. I also didn't know that I knew all of the lyrics to "Poker Face" (I was just as surprised as everyone else reading this..).

After our assigned hour and a half, I had hopes of surviving the night with my vocal cords still intact....but then I guess the owner decided that he really liked us (the "half" previously mentioned was free), and gave us another free twenty minutes. Instead of being a good, logical person and thinking, "Okay, save the voice...need to be able to talk next week", my fun side kicked in and went, "Heck yes all of us singing 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' at the top of our lungs is a fantastic idea!!!" Probably still could've made it had we not also decided to do some Jimmy Eat World, No Doubt, Boyz II Men (don't ask - I never question the genius that is Jennifer..), and finished it all off with N'Sync's "Bye Bye Bye" (I will admit to knowing all of the lyrics to that song).

For those who have heard the story, we saw the Scottish guy!! He was not at noriban, nor at Underground - he was with this elusive girlfriend that one of you mentioned and very not all-in-our-faces. Fortunately, Jen and I are such fantastic actors that Josh and Tony now understand exactly what our last encounter was like. I have more evidence supporting the theory that he lives in my building: he and his girlfriend walked up there (which caused me to run back to Jen and Kevin because although he's probably not that creeper of a guy, I'm having a hard time getting past that first awful impression).

But since I did reference that awesome Chicago Trib article about the advice that I'm not all that qualified to give but am anyway (you know that whole month of experience really speaks volumes =p), here it goes..

Eat the kimchi. Okay, maybe it won't cure AIDS or male pattern baldness, but it's some good stuff. Eat the radishes, too. If your braver friends order intestines, take a bite - you don't have to join them in finishing all of it, but you look like less of a hoser American if you at least try some.

Learn hangul. Knowing what your'e ordering in restaurants is much easier.

Listen to what your friends say about Korean fashion advice, but pack your suitcase with *your* clothes. Seoul women do walk around like they're on a runway, but they won't deny your ARC if you show up in flare jeans or opt out of purchasing Uggs. Actually, if you do stray from the Ugg trend, drop me a line - I'm trying to start a non-ugly boot group.

Stay away from buildings with barber poles.

Embrace the cuteness. Just because Americans feel like everything has to Be Serious doesn't mean it always has to be in other parts of the world. Police officers who come out of a building with a cartoon on the front are just as respectable as the ones who come out of the white institutional buildings. Also, since we have to listen to PSA's, why not make them animated? This also applies when you purchase your first cell phone.

Learn how to use metal chopsticks. Don't feel like a failure when you're told that it's okay to eat your rice with a spoon. I'm still working on that one.

Don't eat alone. Meals are a community event and everything is set up to make it about sharing. It's so freaking cheap here that you don't really have an excuse, either.

Children will stare. Old people will glare. Smile at both.

"Thank you" is pronounced "kahm-sahm-nee-daa". Be sure to bow a lot, too. Even if you make the worst cultural mishaps (like throwing your trash away completely incorrectly right in front of the garbage men), bowing makes everything better.

You may already know some of these. Others just may not work for you. But I'm serious about the laryngitis and noriban - not a good idea. I'm sure my nurse practitioner mom agrees..